Even after you manage to get your child through the morning moves of brushing those tiny teeth, getting dressed, eating breakfast, finding and putting on (matching) shoes, and buckling up in the car, still one final hurdle remains: saying good-bye to your little one at the preschool or daycare door. That may be the time your cutie cues up the whimpering, clinging, and begging ("Please don't leave me!") — all sure signs of preschool or daycare separation anxiety. While this behavior is totally normal, particularly at fraught moments like school or daycare drop-off, it certainly isn't easy on parents.
The key is to get your child used to being without you. You could start months in advance by enlisting your relatives or friends help for babysitting duty and dropping your child off with them for the day.
You’ll need this extra prep time too because chances are the separation will be emotional for you too. You’ll worry that your child can’t function without you or that the daycare staff can’t possibly take care of your child and fulfill his needs the way you can. Certainly while no one can deny your vital importance in your child’s life, rest assured that the staff are very well trained and equipped to tend to your child’s every need. The entire environment, from the décor to the toys and activities in the daycare is designed to make your child happy and comfortable.
How parents say good-bye can determine their toddler or preschooler's reaction. So as tempting as it may be, don't wait for your child to get distracted and then sneak off without a hug and a kiss. For some kids, looking up to find that you've already gone can leave them feeling even more alone. Instead, keep your good-bye short and to the point with a snappy hug, a peck on the cheek, and a "See you soon, buddy!" Even body language can convey that you're just as sad as he is, so stand up straight and smile. It's your way of saying, "You're going to have an awesome day!"
As a preschool director my advice for parents is:
~ Smile and stay calm (you can cry when you get back to your car!)
~ Your child may cry and cling. Please, PLEASE resist the urge to give in when they beg to go home. It's only going to make tomorrow even more difficult and it sends them the mixed signal that something really IS wrong with this place you're leaving them.
~ The teachers are well trained in how to handle your crying child. Once you get them in the door, hug them and tell them you love them. Wish them a good day, and reassure them that you will see them later. With that beautiful smile still firmly affixed to your face, calmly walk out the door and keep going.
It is my experience that the majority of the time, if your departure is handled in this manner, the child will stop crying in no time and become so absorbed in their new experiences that they will hardly notice the time passing.
Mom and dads attitudes goes a long way in how well your child adapts to school.
Children are pretty unpredictable creatures and while you have no real idea how your child will react when starting daycare or preschool, you can do your best to prepare both you and your child for this big first step towards their independence.
Even though it may feel like your child is the only one barricading himself against the daycare doors, you're not alone :). Reading classic books that tackle school separation anxiety, like Anna Dewdney's Llama Llama Misses Mama or Audrey Penn's The Kissing Hand, will not only give you and your little one a way to talk about how it feels to be apart, but it can spark new ways to deal with it. Once your sweetie knows the story, try telling him each morning, "I always come back, just like Mama Llama does."
XOXOXOXO
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